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Domestic violence and abusive relationships

13-minute read

If you (or someone else) are in danger, or if you have been threatened, physically hurt or sexually assaulted, call triple zero (000).

Key facts

  • Domestic violence is when someone in a close or family relationship hurts or controls another person to scare or dominate them.
  • Domestic violence can include physical, emotional, sexual or financial abuse.
  • Anyone can experience domestic violence, whatever their background.
  • Domestic violence is never your fault.
  • If you think you are in an abusive relationship, get help now from your family, friends or doctor.

What is domestic and family violence?

Domestic and family violence includes any behaviour that is:

Domestic and family violence may be committed by:

The abuser can be of any gender or sexual orientation. Anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship no matter their background, sex or gender.

What are the types of domestic violence and abuse?

Abusive relationships do not always involve physical violence. There are other kinds of damaging abuse, none of which are acceptable.

Types of abuse include:

Who is at risk of domestic and family violence?

Domestic and family violence can affect anyone, whatever their status, sex, gender, age, race or culture. Most victims are women and children, and most perpetrators are male.

The risk of domestic and family violence is highest if the relationship is affected by:

Women with a history of mental illness and Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people are more likely to experience domestic and family violence.

What are the signs of domestic and family violence?

Victims of domestic and family violence might not be ready to talk about what they are going through, but sometimes there are signs that something isn't right:

What are the effects of domestic and family violence?

If you are affected by domestic violence you might:

You might find yourself changing your behaviour or avoiding certain topics around the abuser. You may feel like you deserve the abuse or that you are to blame. But remember, you are never to blame for someone else's behaviour.

People in an abusive relationship may also be at risk of:

What are the effects of domestic and family violence on children?

Domestic and family violence can have a harmful effect on children, even if the child is not a direct victim of violence.

Seeing violence between parents can disrupt a child's sense of safety and security. This can have long-term effects on children's physical and mental health, as well as their learning and social development. They may not learn about healthy relationships, and are more likely to use controlling and manipulative behaviour themselves.

Signs that a child might be suffering abuse include:

What is the 'cycle of abuse'?

The cycle of abuse is a common pattern in domestic and family violence. It helps us understand why abusive relationships often continue.

  1. First there is a build-up of tension. The victim may feel fearful or that they have to change their behaviour to avoid triggering the abuser.
  2. Next comes the abusive incident. The tension erupts into verbal, physical, or emotional abuse.
  3. Afterwards, the abuser may regret or be ashamed of their behaviour and try to reconcile.

They may do this by trying to:

Both people may then enter a honeymoon or calm phase, also known as 'love bombing'. This is when the abuser may shower the victim with gifts and affection.

After the honeymoon phase, the event may be forgotten. Both the abuser and the victim may try to justify the abuse or deny how bad it is. The cycle may then begin again.

What can I do if I'm in an abusive relationship?

If you (or someone else) are in danger, or if you have been threatened, physically hurt or sexually assaulted, call triple zero (000).

If you think you are in an abusive relationship, or know someone who might be, get help now.

If you are currently experiencing domestic violence or feel unsafe in an intimate or family relationship, call the 24-hour National Sexual Assault, Domestic, Family Violence

Counselling Service on 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

If you are in danger, protect yourself. Get out of the situation and call the police. Talk to someone you trust, whether it's a friend, family member or a counsellor, who can help you decide what to do next. Then come up with a plan — decide what to do the next time something bad happens.

1800 RESPECT has resources that you can use to develop a safety plan.

Both victims and perpetrators may need support and help to recover. You may also have mental health issues that need to be addressed. Your doctor can refer you to a counsellor or psychologist for support.

How do I start a conversation about domestic violence?

If you're worried someone might be experiencing family or domestic violence, contact one of the support services below for advice from a trained counsellor. Every situation is different, and they can guide you through how to approach the specific situation.

You can talk to the person gently and let them know that you are worried. Don't push the person into talking if they are uncomfortable, but let them know that you're available if they need help.

How can I help an adult?

Simply being there to support someone can make all the difference. If someone is talking to you about domestic violence, you should listen closely and take them seriously.

Here are some tips:

How can I help a child?

If you think a child is experiencing or witnessing domestic violence, here's how you can help:

If you suspect that a child is experiencing or witnessing domestic violence, you may have a legal obligation to report this to local authorities. This depends on which state you live in and the nature of your relationship with the child. If you aren't sure, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for advice.

Where can I get more help and find resources?

Contact your state or territory support service:

You can also contact:

Children

Older adults

Men

People with a disability

Looking for information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people?

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Looking for information for sexually and gender-diverse families?

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